candid (candid) wrote,

your help

Operation "Gradually Take Over the Publishing World So That My Forthcoming Magnum Opus Making Out With You Killed My Dog Will Be Immediately Met With the Acclaim It Deserves" is proceeding apace.

Nonetheless, that doesn't mean it can't do without your help.

1. If you haven't bought the book already, what are you waiting for? I've heard all of your excuses: "It's too expensive!" "It's too blasphemous!" "I hate things that make me laugh!" And, quite frankly, I found them all wanting.

2. If you have bought the book already, then why haven't you written an Amazon review? There's only two of them right now: one by perich and one by some cranky dude who apparently pans every "new atheist" book that comes out, making his 3-star review ("commits logical fallacy argument ad ridiculum but is riotously funny") a major moral victory. Of course, I would prefer 5-star reviews, but I guess 4-star reviews could suffice if you're in a huge hurry. (Note: I am not asking you to review the book if you haven't read it. In fact, I would prefer that you not review the book if you haven't read it.)

3. I am sure that one or more of you must be a book reviewer for the New York Times (I'm looking at you, Michiko Kakutani) and can hook me up with a glowing above-the-fold review. Alternatively, one of you (*cough* Sam Harris *cough*) must be influential in atheist circles, or (*cough* Blackstone *cough*) in magician circles, or (*cough* Penn and Teller *cough*) in atheist magician circles. Do what comes naturally.

Or perhaps you just know one of these circle-famous people; perhaps Richard Dawkins is in possession of your kidney, or you once let John Hodgman cheat off you in English class, or you're having a steamy love affair with Maureen Dowd.

Anyway, my publisher has kindly given me some "promotional" copies to distribute strategically. And while I'd love to just give them to my friends, I should probably try to get them to people who'll help, you know, drive sales. And I should probably also try to get them to these people in a way that doesn't result in their immediately being thrown in the trash, which is what I imagine happens when you send books unsolicited to Deepak Chopra, or to Iranian president Mahoumadijamabad, or to the estate of Ayn Rand.

Therefore, if any of you have any "contacts" in the "media" who you think might be "interested" in my "book," I would be exceptionally grateful if you would HABU!

I'm not saying that I'd reward you with a cameo in the "Nancy Drew" storybook, but I'm not saying that I wouldn't...
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